Slow down and take time.
Why am I in such a hurry? Why do I feel rushed? I really don't think we were created to multi-task, most certainly not at the level I have been operating. So here's the thing, I've known this for a long time and I've been really trying to get off. For those very reasons it has been painful and my internal struggle for a good amount of years, reaching a breaking point within the last few years. So much so that it led my family and I to make significant changes to get off this "wheel" that is no longer serving my family or working well for us, and actually one that we didn't ask for and one that we definitely would not have chosen for ourselves. Obedience and love will make you do crazy and uncomfortable things!
As I wait on God, I am learning there are things I can do to take control of my health and well-being not only for this process but for the long haul. While I cannot change the pace, culture, demands or pressure of my work, I can control my pace in response to the demands and pressure. I want to respond and not react to the pace, mood or vibe that is going on around me. I will not let the "culture" change and rule me, but I will choose how I respond to the culture.
I will continue be a team player and give my best work with excellence. I will remain diligent and hardworking, but I will not allow the pace and pressures to stress me out and I will not feel guilty for taking care of myself and putting my health first. If it's not an emergency, it's okay because it's going to get done! going to get done!
So I am doing the hard work of being more disciplined in literally not running from task to task. I am not going to stress myself out over things I cannot control and put undue pressure on myself or others when we're all doing the best we can do. I will walk in peace, and breathe in deeply and exhale freely. I will walk at a normal pace, literally, and take time to look around and actually take in the moment and my surroundings. I will not be anxious and create a stressful environment; I will slow my pace, and speak calmly at a normal pace. I will maintain healthy boundaries.
I will slow down because I should and I can. I will take care of myself because I should and I can. I will put my health first because I should. and I can. I am incredibly grateful for a husband and kids who have been more than supportive, imploring me to take action sooner. My pace has nothing to do with my family or marriage, I'm just not going to let my present work culture to dictate my pace or peace any longer. And truth be told, I guess I let it happen to me because I really didn't feel like I had many options or choices. But today, it's different.