Expanding our family. That's been a conversation around our house off and on for the past year and a half. I prayed and thought we were good, complete, our "quiver" is full. But our daughter has persisted off and on for a sibling - a sister (to play with). Today she mentioned "we would go get her and bring her home." But then again she also said we would go to the store and pick her up. So who knows. 

But what does this all mean? I am not entirely sure. I suppose I may be looking at one of those life "defining moments" in which I am in a specific phase of life and I may be moving on and out of it (pregnancy phase/young babies). Or, I can choose to linger a little longer. As you can tell, I don't have the right language for it right now. I guess because I've never really had to think or consider the closing of "windows" for various specific phases and seasons of life (here on planet earth). I never really considered the possibility of some things no longer being an "option" at some point. Now having said that, there is a peace. I do not feel a sense of sadness or loss. 

OK let's pause and let me say, I get it. If speaking specifically about the ability to have children, some people may be thinking, "of course you are not sad, you have kids!" Please hear me, I get it. I really do. I too have wrestled with trying to understand or reconcile why some are able to have children and some do not. I have many friends who have experienced and who have walked through this heartache. So I am very sorry. My sincere prayer is that God would bring His peace to those areas of your heart and continually hide you in His love. But what I mean is while I am very thankful for the joy of being parents and the beauty we have experienced, there has been loss, heartache and a breaking as well. This is not meant to be a comparative to those who are struggling or have struggled with infertility. It's simply my story. So our journey to parenthood and even as we live it out right now, has not been ideal, perfect or void of pain, hardship or a sense of loss. And I am not speaking about the common "woes" of parenthood such as sleepless nights with a newborn and things of that nature. There are some things you can't "get back" or "redo."  

So what am I trying to say. I'm not really sure as I'm processing this freshly. However I do know this, while in the natural some seasons, phases of life may be closed and moments have "passed", the heart and spirit can still be enjoyed in other ways or in another phase of life. I am not entirely sure how God does it or when He chooses to do it, but I know that He can. We are continually moving from glory to glory. God in His sovereign wisdom can cause for that same joy to be applied or lived out in other ways and situations in which we can feel satisfaction or fulfillment. 

While there may be an end and we may rightly grieve or mourn the loss or closure, we can recover. We can rise again. We do not have to live in a state of loss. And not all is loss forever. One day, Jesus will return and make it right. There is more joy and life to experience here today, but also for all of eternity for those who belong to Jesus. 

So for whatever you may count as a loss or feel has ended or is ending, closing or no longer an option, please be encouraged. God is the God of all of our moments, seasons and phases of life - today and forevermore. He is the one who ordains all things. All of our days and times are in His hands. He can grant and fulfill the desires of our hearts for any season or phase of life whenever He desires and it will taste just as sweet, if not better than when we "thought" it should have happened or when it "should" have happened according to the world's timetable. This is possible because we are a people belonging to a different Kingdom. We operate on a different timetable. So whether here on this side of heaven, or when we are finally forever home in heaven, Jesus fulfills all things because He himself is already the fulfillment of all things.  

The Lord is my strength and my shield my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

Therefore my heart rejoices, and I praise Him with my song. Psalm 28:7


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