Slowly Emerging

I cannot begin to describe or fully articulate what the last few months has meant to me. Although I do wish it were under different circumstances, but nonetheless, it was a moment that I am forever grateful for. While my prayers and heart are still with those on the front lines of this global pandemic as well as those who are still feeling and experiencing the devastating residual affects, I cannot deny the grace of God towards my family during this unprecedented season. I also am very much aware of the current unrest in our country today surrounding racial tensions and injustice. Again, I am humbled and still prayerful for all that is going on and believe that hope and good can still come from tragedy and pain. 

We are constantly holding and carrying various tensions in both hands and in our hearts. We toggle between an array of differing emotions and feel conflicted. But so much of life is like that though is it not? The reality of REAL life. Having said that, I am thankful for this life. There is reason to wake up everyday and sing praises to God.  

Speaking of paradoxes and tensions, if anyone knows me know this is nothing short of the redemptive work of Jesus. I am "okay" with the mystery and mysterious parts of life and dare I say, I am growing increasingly more comfortable with embracing it, sitting in it and moving forward in the face of it. So with that heart posture, I affirm again and again that life is a gift from God and it is something to celebrate - especially those moments that bring us joy, helps to clarify our purpose and brings growth and maturity. Moments that heal us, frees us and liberates us to live as God intended, our authentic, truest self. Sometimes suffering and the mystery can unearth or produce that. 

The unhurried time and space that the past few months has afforded me not only did good for my body, mind, heart/soul but it literally was the divine pause and reset I needed. I desperately needed space to breathe. I don't know how else to explain it other than it was almost an introvert's dream - the world finally experiencing "my world." I could be "me" and retreat inward without feeling guilty, pressured, shamed, or the need to explain myself or the struggle of some decision making. And probably like you too, for all that we juggle, navigate, steward, manage, tend to, care for, think for and plan for, I needed a moment, this moment. Make no mistake, God only does good and is not the author of sickness, illness, evil or death. But He makes a way even in the desert and wilderness and my assurance is found in His Word, Romans 8:28. He can and He does turn all things for our benefit, our good.

But I am slowly emerging.. it is time. It's time to navigate new territory and transition back to more normal routines. I'd like to think I'm emerging stronger, healthier and peaceful. Prayerfully so by the grace of God. 

He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He renews my life. Psalm 23:2-3a


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