He Speaks

I love the creativity of God. He is personal and speaks to me as an individual. He knows exactly how I am wired. He knows what speaks to my heart. He knows my language. He is my God, my father, my friend and my creator. He fashioned and formed me - my quirks and all the things that makes me uniquely me. 

I randomly, and I literally mean randomly strained/sprained my back yesterday. I was doing an every day activity, bending over to grab a plate for lunch. As soon as I hunched over, something happened and it wasn't good. I immediately felt pain to the lower back and both sides of my hips. I have never experienced that before, ever. I'm still on the mend, thankfully much better than yesterday but man, my back is not normal. For sure I am being extra careful, taking it slowly and very intentional and aware of my every movement, action and step. From the pace that I walk, to what I carry, to how I turn or twist, how I bend over, sit and rise, push in a chair. You name it, I am acutely aware of my every move. 

Last night I spent some time reading a few articles on back strains/sprains. Among the various recommendations such as rest, ice, heat, elevate and some physical therapy/stretches, the doctors emphasized the importance to not force or rush my back to perform at it's level before the injury, and contrary to what we may think, laying immobile is not recommended, nor is it a good thing. It can actually hinder the healing process. I should take it easy, but continue to live, walk, move at a slower, more careful pace as to not cause a re-injury or worsening/permanent damages - all of which will slow down the very thing I am hoping for, full restorative healing. 

Interesting that God can use even a back injury to teach me how to navigate life and remind me of truth. Specifically, how to re-engage with routines prior to corona (or any life transition, uncharted territory or new thing) while still in the middle of corona. So take it easy, proceed cautiously with care and intentionality. Be flexible and aware. And importantly, do re-engage and do keep moving forward with the goal of re-establishing normalcy. I should also be realistic with my expectations for myself and others. How I operate/engage and how the world around me operates may not be at the same capacity, level or intensity pre-corona. So I will extend myself (and others) grace. When I am tempted to feel discouraged, disappointed or to give up, I will extend compassion towards myself and patiently push through. 

Secondly, I think I have been operating in "fast pace" (in my mind) my entire life. It's always been "go, go, go." I rush. I move fast. I do "this" so I can quickly move on to "that." My thinking is, "got to get to purpose, destiny. There's only one life to live, make it count!"  Perhaps a little bit of high achiever, performer or goal, results driven? Who knows. Perhaps part personality. I really don't like things lingering or open. I like to resolve things, get it done and move on. While all of that my not necessarily be negative, I do know the Lord has been gently teaching me over the years to rest. Slow down and take it easy. 

He's been ever so compassionate and loving towards me in affirming that I really don't have to be rushed or anxious and I don't have to live rushed or anxious. While my heart and motive is in the right place, He still wants me to learn the art of resting. On a practical every day to day reminder, I can rest and breathe even in the face of piles of laundry, unfinished to-do lists and an untidy house. It is not a measure or reflection of my worth or ability. I am enough because He says I am enough through the finished work of Jesus Christ. Meanwhile, the deeper work God has been doing in my heart is this. As a beloved daughter in whom He is well pleased, I can and I have permission and God actually takes great delight when I choose to rest and simply breathe regardless of the situation or circumstance. Because it demonstrates in action my trust and faith in Him, and perhaps even demonstrates the character of Jesus in enduring and suffering well. 

So for the dreams that have yet to be realized, for the prayers that are still prayers and for all of the unmet expectations and desires, I can still breathe. While everything around me can be heavy and tense, chaotic and challenging and even painful, I can still walk with an ease. I can slow my pace, take it easy because my God is in control. Because of my Father's love, surrendering no longer feels scary and dangerously vulnerable but rather more like a beautiful exchange. It's like falling into a bed of fresh soft pillows with a warm cozy blanket covering me. Surrendering feels a lot like protection and covering. There is a peace and an ease beyond explanation. There is a lightness and release that is beyond words. 

Friend, the safest place is to be surrendered to God and to His will. 

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